All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
