Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
