My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
