I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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