I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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