mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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