I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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