I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
