So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
