Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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