Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
