The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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