Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
