I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
