honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
