i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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