so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
