well you can't waste a boner
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
