Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
