omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
