My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
wow bdsm is so cute
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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