woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize