You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My life is pants optional.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
