i jhust puked up my retainher.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
