Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
