Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she peed on how many people?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
