were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
