i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
