i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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