flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
