it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
