he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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