i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
