He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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