I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
