Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
