She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
