oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Drunk walkin through police station. America
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
