Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
