So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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