somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
