Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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