just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize