Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
