I am spending my child support on dildos
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
