yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
