It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
