Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
