Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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