I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
