a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize