Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
