I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
