omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
