That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
