no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
