I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
