Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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