i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
