What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
