She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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