You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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