Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
