Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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