You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
