well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize