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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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