i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
