We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
