I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
