my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
